Saturday, July 24, 2010

Why choose separate burners when you can build a big fire instead?

"I’ve said all along that life-work balance is overrated. If you’re not happy with your life, you should change it like plenty of other people have done. If your job sucks and you’re miserable, you should quit." From Chris Guillebeau's post The Four Burners Theory - Your Thoughts? If you're not reading Chris Guillebeau, you should be. You can find him at The Art of Non-Conformity and depending on where you live, you might even be able to meet him in person during his Unconventional Book Tour kicking off in September 2010.

Reviewing a bit, the Four Burners Theory says that our lives have four burners: family, friends, health and work. To keep life under control, it might be tempting to keep all the burners on but set them on low heat. The theory proposes that successful people sacrifice one burner and really successful people sacrifice two in order to burn hot somewhere else.

The Four Burners Theory doesn't jive with me, not right away at least.  Dividing life into separate burners implies having to control them all.  This feels too rigid for real life, like freedom is slipping away. Without freedom there is no play and without play, the flow of fresh air stops and the fire suffocates itself.

From this perspective, a really successful or even just successful life doesn't seem satisfying.  How can an unsatisfying life feel...balanced. Are you following me with this?

Another word for balance is equilibrium. It's something that can be re-established when there has been a shift.  Think about gymnasts or ice skaters.  There are inconsistent athletes, the ones that either hit their elements in perfect form all the way through or execute a disaster from start to finish.  They never fall in-between.  Then there are the ones that are much more consistent because when they bobble, they quickly recover their equilibrium.  They have an inner strength that allows flexibility and readjustment when the unexpected happens.

Here's how I think it works.  First, you have to know what you want out of your life.  It's not about what other people want out of theirs since the only person responsible for living your life is you.  An interesting way to find out what you want from life is to write your obituary.  I've had the opportunity to do this (which you can read about here) and I recommend going through the exercise.

Second, you have to decide how you're going to use your energy to get what you want.  As the Cheshire cat told Alice in Wonderland, "if you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."  This is where strength comes in.  You have to be strong enough to say no, to stand up for what you want.  Some of your most important decisions are not about what you will do, but what you won't do.  If you're not willing to be that strong, is there any point in worrying about your life balance?

Third, you have to be willing to be out of equilibrium, to let balance shift from time to time.  Re-establishing equilibrium is often uncomfortable, but worth it because you get better at it the more it happens.  Think about our ice skater friends learning a brand new routine or skill.  Over the course of a career they will have to learn many routines.  They get past the falls, the uncertainty, and eventually they get through it.  You will, too.  Lance Armstrong reminds us that "If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on."  Do you dread the shifts or welcome them?  Do you put off making changes because you'd rather stay in an unsatisfied state of balance than experience the adjustment towards a new equilibrium?

Ultimately the life you feel you are living is where your emotions are present.  Achieving life balance is not about analysis, magic equations or helpful analogies.  You can divide up priorities in life, give them equal attention and be unsatisfied.  What's important is to be fully present wherever you are giving your attention.  If you're not distracted, you detect when your foot is slipping so you don't have to land on your bottom to realize you've lost your balance.

-Andrea

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Connecting recreation to occupation: Part 2

"You work so hard at it.  Just put it down and let it lie.  If you work that same spot over and over again, it's going to get muddy." 

Ever work hard at something, but the harder you worked the more elusive the desired outcome became?  You knew exactly what the result had to be, what it needed to look like.  Even if by sheer brute force, you would make it happen.  Except, it didn't quite work.

It can be quite discouraging.  It can even convince you that you are not a maker.

Several years ago I received one-on-one watercolor painting lessons from a woman in her 80s that was full of stories, curiosity and quiet observation.  She would introduce a concept, give me an assignment and then leave me to paint by myself for a while.  She would glance over periodically and return to her own painting without a word.  That is, except for the time I was trying to paint a clematis flower from reference material she had brought.  I was struggling with it, adding more paint in one color and then another, over and over, knowing that my persistence would be rewarded with a crisp, realistic reproduction of the reference flower.

She watched my painting for a bit and as she turned back to her work, she said, "You work so hard at it.  Just put it down and let it lie.  If you work that same spot over and over again, it's going to get muddy." 

The next time I showed up for class she handed me a packet of colored tissue paper, a bottle of Elmers glue and the same reference material I was using the week before.  She asked me to tear tissue paper into pieces and glue it on the paper so that I could paint the flowers over it.  She responded to my skeptical look by telling me I needed to loosen up, to learn to just go with it.  A collage painting was the prescription for my relentless style.

The painting I made from that exercise was my first finished painting.  She convinced me to enter it in the student portion of a show at the gallery she belonged to.  It meant I had to get my painting professionally framed and I had to sign it.  As a first painting, it was understandably amateur, but later when I had my own office at work I hung the painting above my desk.  At the time, it was reminder that I had interests outside of work.  Now that I finally understand the lesson, it is much more significant.  It was my first glimpse into how lessons from my "side" interests could carry over into my professional life.

-Andrea


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Connecting recreation to occupation: Part 1

Are you a "maker"? Do you know what it's like to create?  Think about the last thing you made and keep that in mind while you consider this series of tweets I posted over lunch about a week ago.

Don't think that you are a maker?  Do you assume that you are not a creative person?  Let's just see.  Humor me for now.
Art = series of deliberate actions & reactions to circumstance that add up to something beautiful & elegant.  
Every line, every brush stroke is a deliberate choice. The outcome informs the next action, changes the overall picture. 
Every action & decision you make is a choice. Is it deliberate? Where does it fit into the overall picture? 
Life can = art.  
Are you living accidentally today? Or are you living with intention? 
Intention is not the same as control.  
Control restricts the end big picture result. You think you know in advance what the masterpiece is going to be.  
Intent pauses, observes, experiments. The end result is a natural evolution. Not forced. That's what makes it beautiful.
Hmmm....seeds for thought...

Are you really convinced that you are just not cut out to be a maker?  Stick with me through this series.  It's not about changing your mind.  It's about expanding what you are able to see.

-Andrea