Just a warning - this is a bit of a long post. You might want to get a cup of coffee, take a restroom break, or get a snack before sitting down to it. I'm going to thank you now for going ahead and reading it. I've been trying to figure out how to approach this topic for a while and I guarantee it's taken me much longer to write than it will for you to read it. This is my best shot at it.
I'll start with the rules, my personal set of commandments, if you will, for the way I participate with everyone else on the internet.
- Be responsible for what I post. If I am uncomfortable with something being broadcast beyond my intended audience, I don't post it. If I would be ashamed to explain the post to my family or close friends, I don't post it. This is not some form of crazy self-censorship. It's respect for me, for you, for all of us involved.
- Don't be an asshole. Some people call it trolling, but it can get much worse than that. The perceived anonymity and distance from consequence that the internet affords can enable meanness or bullying. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's okay. I don't engage in personal attacks on other people or look for opportunities to deliver "You're doing it wrong" messages. I don't like mean people, and chances are I am not the only one. It is possible to disagree with someone without being an asshole or a troll. I am going to practice doing that.
- Be a contributor, not a detractor. I don't use my online connections and communities for venting, ranting and spewing my anger at the world. I share my thoughts, insights and experience instead. Support people rather than tear them down. Stand up, both for myself and other people when the situation calls for it. Comment instead of lurk.
- Use the "unfollow" or "remove friend" features. An awesome person taught me that attention is limited, and I want to give my attention to those I have real connection with, that bring out the best in me and inspire me. As Bindu Wiles said, "Life is just to darn short not to use my Unfollow button." I unfollow people saturated with negativity (see #3), people who attacks others (see #2), and those who say hurtful things about other people on the internet thinking they will never be found out. It says more about those delivering the hurt than those they talk about. Finally, I unfollow people that violate Rule #6.
- Show appreciation. It takes a fair amount of courage to keep putting yourself out there, to keep sharing a part of yourself with strangers you may never meet, especially since not everyone subscribes to Rule #2. If what has been shared resonates with me in some way, I try to speak up and say so. I want to make someone's day. If I want people to know I value their contributions, I have to tell them!
- Remember that quality is better than quantity. I would like to think I coined the phrase "Twitter Vomit." This refers to the people that post excessively, driving up clicks but also clogging up the stream. They dilute their message. I don't want to dilute myself.
- Laugh at myself, not other people. Laughing at other people makes me an asshole. Laughing at myself keeps me honest. I try not to make fun of other people for the sake of being funny. I generate plenty of my own material, believe me.
- Don't be afraid to apologize. Online communication is a precarious thing. It's hard to infuse what we type with the appropriate tone and emotion. You and I may disagree and even have an animated debate. I don't intentionally go out of my way to hurt people, but if it happens, I want to apologize sincerely and timely.
- Seek out other perspectives. The diversity of thought and opinion on the internet is staggering. It's easy to limit myself to a protective bubble of people I know I will agree with. Admittedly, this is a hard rule to live up to. I shouldn't be threatened by someone else's point of view. It's an opportunity to learn something new and expand my own horizons.
- Have fun! Maybe this should be Rule #1! After all, we wouldn't keep coming back if it wasn't fun.
The interwebs can be a wild and crazy place, but also incredibly rewarding because the construct is distinctly human. On the one hand, I am continually amazed at how organically communities develop, at how each little pocket develops its own personality, its own norms and support networks. On the other hand, I am astounded at how the internet is used to lash out in ways that would be unacceptable in face-to-face communication. Let's not even get to the behaviors that would make your mother smack you on the head. If you know what I'm talking about, don't worry. I won't link to the YouTube video.
I admit to my share of lapses in judgement, hurling hurtful rants out into cyberspace with a few simple keystrokes. I've mocked people, trying to be funny about pointing out the stupid things they did. You know what I realized, though? I didn't feel any better for it once the initial feeling of snarky victory faded. Whatever situation I was ranting about didn't improve.
Another thing about the interwebs...it's just so...well...
everywhere. As in, if you need to keep a secret, the internet is probably not a good place to put it. If you want so say something that you wouldn't want your dear Aunt Betsy to ever get wind of, it's probably not where you should be saying it. The theory of 6 degrees of separation lurks in quiet corners just waiting for such plum opportunities to bite people in the ass.
I've struggled with where to draw my personal line of engagement. I've wrestled over whether or not to accept my boss's friend request on Facebook and which coworkers I allow to see the online interactions I have with friends and family. I know people that choose not to participate in this venue. They don't have Facebook accounts, never seen a Twitter feed, never left a comment on a blog and have never subscribed to any RSS feeds. I could choose that option, and for a brief period, I did.
And then I realized how much I valued those online connections. I missed seeing updates from friends living in another state. I missed the pictures people shared from their last BBQ, pictures of their kids, watching their families grow. I missed hearing about the little victories of everyday life. Essentially, I missed the aspect of human community. Put a group of us together and it just develops.
So, I re-engaged, but this time, I abide by own personal code of conduct. Another awesome person taught me that every time we make a choice, we make an entry into our book of life. It is up to us how that book reads. I'm maybe taking one step farther and saying that the choices we make online are just as important.
What do you think?
-Andrea
